Deg iseggusa n xemsin zi lqern yeɛdun, yura umara d useklan amiksiki Octavio Paz « Ayt Newyork, Paris d Lundun wer neṭṭqen awal n lmewt, minzi tessecmaḍ wancucen n wen zzag-s ineṭṭqen din ». Maca ɣer Imiksikuten d ijjen lḥajet nniḍen, ssawalen x-as aṭṭas, kṭer zi manaya tteggen ijjen ufistival n imettinen kur aseggas. Ijjen zzag-sen inna di manaya, qa lmewt d ijjen liraret ittirar zzag-s, timexsa-nnes i lmewt tettɣima i lebda.
Waxxa ijjen wawal am wanita rnin dag-s cwayt. Maca waxxa amenni ɛad isrusa ca n iseqsan, x tilalt (rôle) izemmer ad yirar lmewt, di umi nzemmer a nsemma « taẓuri n tudert ». Di tɣerma taɣerbit, ttwaxedmen imassen (outils) msebḍan, maḥend ad farqen jar-aneɣ-d neccin d tidet n lmewt-nneɣ. Nettaf di ca n arriklam ila neccin iggur a neqqim lebda d iḥudriyen, ɛawed nettagi a nessiwel x lmewt aked iḥenjiren-nneɣ, mamec nessaggʷaj x-aneɣ iwessura d imeqqranen, nettegg-iten di taddart n Iwessura.
Waxxa amenni, ixess-aneɣ a nelmed mamec ɣa negg a nemseksi aked tiggʷda-nni illan di lmewt. Mala nessen ila neccin qa d iwdan, ijjen wass a nemmet, zzag-s a nemɛarra aked imxumbal n manaya. Awi-d a nemuqqel deg uburtrih-in i tersem tanẓaurt Tamiksikanut Frida Kahlo, tegga-as i yisem n « axarres di lmewt » tegga ijjen uqecqac x tenyert-nnes. Niɣ awi-d ɛawed nfekker deg wawal n tmussni i yenna Albert Camus « Qbel lmewt, zi senni, kulci ad yili ». Maca maḥend a nemsuluḥ aked lmewt, d ijjen lḥajet ig illa ihwen di tmenna urid di tmegga.
Maca aqqa ad ac-ittɣil ila maḥend ad tawḍed ɣer waya, ad tegged ixef-nnec tettfekkred di ɛezrayen, niɣ mamec i das-qqaren ca n yiwdan « wen iqeṭṭwen buḥbel ». Aqqa ixess-aneɣ a nɛawed afekker di min daneɣ-ismunan neccin aked zzman s ixef-nnes. Deg iseṭṭiren i ɣa teɣrem, tnyaen n ixarrisen qqnen ɣer manaya, min ɣa innurẓmen ca n tebridin n uxattes, ɛawed izemmer ac-yejj ad tsiɣid ad tɛiced tudert-nnec d ccek tehnid.
Amensi di laxira
Deg useggas n 1886, yura umara ameqqran Lev Tulstoy ungal-nnes aquḍaḍ « tamettant n Ivan Ilitc ». Ittɛawad ungal-a wa tanfust n ijjen ixeddem di tezreft (justice) di temdint n Sant Pitersburg. Iwca tudert-nnes amen tekmel maḥend ad igeɛɛed deg iraqqen n tezreft. Mamec iɛawen lwacun-nnes ḥima ad ggen amkan-nnsen deg wagdud aburjwazi n Rusiya. Maca umi t-teṭṭef laxert d netta ɛad wer yeɛdi 45 iseggusa, isseqsa ixef-nnes d netta isɣellay imetmi n tarẓugi ma iḍeyyeɛ tudert-nnes amen tekmel d netta ittazzel awerni iɛerbab. Deg ungal nettaf iqqar « hi mala tudert-inu amen tekmer – di tidet – ttuɣa-tt yalleh d ijjen ufayyu ? »
Xminni nettili nettmetta, nettarra-d merra tasfift n tudert-nneɣ, min x-aneɣ ikkin. Mamec ɣa naca d neccin aqqa-aneɣ nettmetta uca nxezzer ɣer deffer ? Ma a naca s uɛeffar s min negga ? Ma a naca ila neccin nedder tudert-nneɣ bla ma tili nḍeyyeɛ ca n lḥajet di tudert-nneɣ ? Niɣ ad aneɣ-taɣ tayerzawt amec i yuqeɛ i « Ivan Ilitc » ? Maca min nxes a nessiweḍ belli wer dji ḥama teṭṭef-aneɣ laxert ɛad i ɣa nesseqsa iseqsan-a, aqqa nzemmer a nesseqsa ixef-nneɣ manaya zi lux. Maḥend a nbeddel zi tebridt n tudert-nneɣ d uxarres-nneɣ. X manaya ataf a nettrinar a nxayel, a nettsewwar. Aya neqqar x-as « amensi di laxira ».
Min teɛna tabridt-a n uxayel ? Ihwen, ad txayled ixef-nnec belli ɛerḍen-cek ɣer ca n umensi di laxira, ad kid-k ḥeḍren midden d kupi zzay-k. Xenni ad tettwalid ixef-nnec mli tuɣa teḍfared ibriden nniḍen di tudert-nnec. X ṭṭabla n umensi, ad temsagared aked ixef-nnec nniḍen mli tuɣa teqqared mliḥ. Ad temmelqid aked yiman-nnec nniḍen ɛawed mli tuɣa tejjid lxedmet-nnec tamezwarut, teḍfared tirja-nnec. Ɛawed, raḥ x-as amenni, mala aqqa-ac arkulist, niɣ tesnjḥed lemlak-nnec…
Xminni ɣa temsagared aked ikupiten zeg ixef-nnec, ca zzag-sen ad ac-d-banen cnin, inneḍni dag-sen aɛeffar. Ɛawed tzemmred ad tanfed ad temsagared aked ca n ijjen zeg ixef-nnec nniḍen. Maca drus zzag-sen ataf ac-inin ila cek wer teggid walu di tudert-nnec. Man yen zeg yina i texsed cek akid-s temsagaed akid-s temsawaled ? Man yen zeg yina i iggur ad ten-ttanfed ? Man yen zeg yinni i ɣa tasmed ? Ma din ḥedd nniḍen tili texsed ad tilid deg wemkan-nnes ?
Taseddit tameqqrant n tudert
Din ijjen tebridt tis tnayen maḥend a nefhem tilit (existence) n bnadem. Ixess-aneɣ a dd-nẓemm zi tmussni ig illan ɣer tussniwin n imezdaɣ imezwura deg waṭṭas n tmura. Tina d tussniwin ittekksent ifuray jar tudert d lmewt. Din ijjen wawal yecna di tussna n imezdaɣ n Newziland niɣ umi neqqar « Imawriyen ». Awal-a yettwassen s « Ukababa » niɣ ttasilet. « Ukababa » ixes ad yini ila neccin merra neqqen ɣer ijjen tseddit d tameqqrant, tetteqqen tasalt n yiḍ-a aked tinni i das-yezwaren d tinni i d ɣa asent ɛad.
« Ukababa » ad aneɣ-iɛawen maḥend ad tili ijjen tmuɣli d tameqqrant x tudert. Ataf nzemmer a nettwala iseddiyen imeẓẓyanen ig illan di tseddit-nni itteqqnen jer min yeɛdan, yiḍ-a d yimal. Zi ssa, x webrid n wawal-a, a nessen belli imettinen d inni iddren d inni ɛad wer d-ixliqen, aqqa-yen akid-neɣ deg ijjen wemkan. S uya ixess-aneɣ a ten-nweqqer. Manaya izemmer ad irreẓ tmuɣli-nni n uɣasṭar i x-aneɣ yeṭɣan, aɣasṭar i daneɣ-ittejjan dag-neɣ taɣennant d umeyyel-nneɣ ɣer tweḥdanit.
Maḥend ad tawḍed ad tfekkred acnaw Imawriyen n Newziland. Awi-d ca n wayyaw-nnec d ameẓẓyan, uca xayel-it iwweḍ ɣer tesɛin n iseggusa, awern-as, ad as-d-awyen ca n wayyaw-nnes netta mamec ixleq ɛad. Xenni, iwdan i kid-s ad fekkren deg weḥḍiḍ-nni ad seqsan ixef-nnsen : « Min ɣa iḥwaj ubibiḥ-a ḥma ad yeqqim x tudert ad yiɛic ijjen tudert yecnin deg iseggusa i d-igguren ? »
Ayyaw n wayyaw-nni izemmer ad yedder ar lqern wis 22. Manaya d tidet yeqqen ɣer-k d lwacun-nnec. Uca mala yecqa-aneɣ uḥenjir-nni ameẓẓyan ataf ixess-aneɣ a nerr taynit i tudert s merra iɣezdisa-nnes. A daneɣ-yecqa leɛwin i ɣa yegg di tarut-nnes. A daneɣ-tecqa tkasit i ɣa negg i tsuta i d-igguren a nweqqer tisuta i yezwaren.